“All bodies are beautiful – Our bodies are desirable”
Dr. Veronica Anderson, Host, Functional Medicine Specialist and Medical Intuitive interviews Joan as they talk about price ageless sexuality, STDs and erectile dysfunction.
Do you want an incredible sex life? Advocate for ageless sexuality Joan Price teaches others how to remove their bothersome sexual problem in order to regain and maintain a spicy satisfying sex life.
In this episode, Joan talks about celebrating your age, knowing yourself, and loving your body to improve the quality of your sex life. She also speaks about common physical problems like erectile dysfunction and lack of lubrication and why it’s not all about penetration. Listen to the end, for ways you can approach your partner about changing your sexual needs.
Listen to episode 27 on iTunes here or subscribe on your favorite podcast app.
27: Show Notes
Dr. Veronica Anderson’s Links
Private Facebook Group: Body Metamorphosis
Facebook Page: Dr. Veronica Anderson
04:40 – Celebrate aging
05:19 – Knowing yourself
06:20 – Is only youthful appearance is desirable?
08:44 – Women aging bodies
10:05 – Self-conscious men
12:00 – Sexually transmitted diseases
15:40 – Erectile dysfunction and lack of lubrication
21:00 – It’s not all about penetration
22:15 – Changing sexual needs
Female VO: Welcome to the Wellness Revolution Podcast, the radio show all about wellness in your mind, body, spirit, personal growth, sex, and relationships. Stay tuned for weekly interviews featuring guests that have achieved physical, mental, and spiritual health in their lives.
If you’d like to have access to our entire back catalog visit drveronica.com for instant access. Here’s your host, Dr. Veronica.
Dr. Veronica: This is Dr. Veronica and you’re listening to Wellness for the Real World. I’m a medical doctor and a medical intuitive, and I love to tell you about all matters of health and wellness, and especially the topics that you never hear about in the mainstream media. How about that. This is considered mainstream media. But the mainstream that you don’t hear about, you’re going to love this particular segment. Half of you are going to cringe because you can’t imagine anybody over 25 taking off their clothes. And the other half of you are going to say, “Finally, somebody’s talking about these topics.”
Let me just give a plug. If you ever want to reach me, you have an idea about a show topic, you want to ask a health question and intuitive question, you can get me on drveronica.com. And follow me on Twitter, @DrVeronicaEyeMD, and on Facebook. I actually have a group that I love people to join, Body Metamorphosis. Look for Body Metamorphosis. It’s a group where we talk about health and wellness. It’s a private group. You got to ask to join. I want to keep it so that it’s respectful and very high level, so that people there feel comfortable looking and sharing. And it’s not just a melee free-for-all that happens on a lot of social media today.
Dr. Veronica Anderson is my general fan page, but Body Metamorphosis is my private Facebook group. Ask to join. I’d love to have you in. I also have here with my co-host, Russell. You guys know him by now. Hi Russell.
3: You’re so nice. Hi Dr. Veronica.
Dr. Veronica: This is going to be a lot of fun because we’re going to talk about sex today, but sex in a different way. I get really fed up because the only type of sex that we see is kind of bachelorette type stuff. And then on the other side is pornography. Then there’s the rest of the world, especially the rest of the world that has passed 25, and people who have passed 40, 50, 60, and 70 who are still and have never stopped being sexual beings. Imagine that. Do you think that when you turn 25 in one day you’re going to stop being the sexual being? No.
And in fact, especially for women, your sex life actually gets better and picks up. I think the older that you get, the more mature that you get. I’m going to do another one of these shows, how to be a boy toy babe. I got to tell you, when I first got divorced all my boyfriends were rather young and some might say maybe not so age appropriate. And I’ve been blessed with a youthful appearance, so most that looked didn’t think it was a mother-son thing going on. Finally, I found a man who’s youthful appearing and age appropriate. But you know what, he’s the got the body and the sex thing going on like a kid. That’s working really, really well by the way.
I’m going to bring on our next guest, Joan Price. You want to know this lady. She does Naked at Our Age. And she’s written The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty How to Maintain – or Regain – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life. Joan, welcome to Wellness for the Real World.
Joan: Thank you. I love what you said.
Dr. Veronica: I like when I give the promos, and people are coming on and chuckling because I said something that made you chuckle. What about what I said made you chuckle Joan?
Joan: I love that you are seeing ageing as a celebration of your sexuality instead of… And things change, you got to admit it. Things change. If they haven’t for you yet they will. But that doesn’t mean that sex is over. It just means it opens up a whole new opportunity for exploration to figure out what works for us now. And that might be different from what worked for us at 25.
Although I got to say, we’ve got it over the 25-year olds. With apologies to the 25-year olds, it’s going to take some years or decades of experience before you really know yourself sexually, and know what you have to give to a partner or to yourself, because sex isn’t just partner sex. There’s so many directions I’m going.
Dr. Veronica: Yes. But I think with sex you have to be comfortable with yourself and with your body. And so, if you haven’t gotten comfortable with your own body sex isn’t going to be all that great. If you’re one of those kind of people that, “I’m all tightened in and I can’t show anything.” Sex is not going to be all that fabulous. You have to know who you are. And I feel for most people, and it seems for most people that as they mature and get older, and especially after you pass out of the performance area which I would say is your 20’s, that sex does take on a whole new life of itself and is fun to explore at a particular point.
Tell me, what are some of the biggest misconceptions about senior sex? Because we’re not just talking about sex over 25, we’re talking about sex over 65, 67, or whatever we want to call a senior. What are some of the misconceptions?
Joan: There’s a major misconception of society. And there’s a major misconception that my generation has too. The society’s misconception is that only youthful appearance is desirable. And obviously if somebody is wrinkly and may be has a few more sags and bags that she or he can’t be sexy. Untrue. Sexuality is lifelong. And we are as juicy as we feel.
What the misconception that my generation… I’m speaking as a 72-year old, that we have ourselves is that if the old ways don’t work the way they used to, that sex is dying on us. And that’s not true either. That’s just a new challenge. We face challenges with ageing all along. We face medical challenges. We face relationship challenges. We face financial challenges. There’s a life of challenges. It isn’t what happens to us, it’s what we make of it.
Dr. Veronica: Let’s talk about the physical appearance, because our society is so into the physical appearance of youth. What have you found about how people… I feel like I remember that you actually pose nude someplace as senior citizen.
Joan: Not nude, in lingerie.
Dr. Veronica: Okay. But that still is stunning.
Joan: I’ve been invited to pose nude. I’ve said no to that.
Dr. Veronica: I think you ought to do it. Bodies are beautiful. For me, as a physician, you can see somebody who they look fine and they are so unhealthy on the inside of their body. And so I’ve come to appreciate all types of body that represent health. And that doesn’t just mean somebody who is a size 00 in 20. That’s just not what health is. It’s so much broader than that.
But tell us about what you found people feel about your physical appearance or the physical appearance of women especially as they move on in years. Do you find people are repulsed, or people are interested? What’s going on out there?
Joan: Potential partners are turned off. We’re the ones that are repulsed by our own imagination of what someone else might be thinking. And that’s something we just have to deal with psychologically. Because as you said, all bodies are beautiful. Our bodies are desirable if there’s someone who wants us. There’s someone who is interested in us. He’s not going to say, “Oh gee, I thought you’d look better with your clothes off.” Not at all. You’d be thinking, “Oh my god, I get to see her naked.”
Instead of thinking, “He’s going to notice the folds in my neck. Who looks at that?” But people stress about that. “Or he’s going to notice that I have an abdominal scar, or I’m going to have to reach for the lube before he even touches me.” We can just say, “Hey, this is a body I’m living in. It is capable of giving me great pleasure. It’s capable of giving a partner great pleasure. So let’s just rejoice that we can do this.
Dr. Veronica: Russell, jump in and tell us your experience as a gay man and sex not at 25 but a little bit older than 25.
3: Hi Joan.
3: Actually it’s funny, you were just talking about these things we hate about our bodies. And I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine just recently. We’re all upset about, “I have a gut. Or oh my god, I have wrinkles, or whatever.” And he just sort of wave this hand at me and he said, “You know, I’m sort of over worrying about stuff like that because whatever you think your problem is there’s somebody out there that’s really into it.
Joan: I love that so much.
3: And also I just would like to ask you, you describe yourself as an advocate for age-less sexuality, which I think is great. If I were to work with you could you issue me a certificate that would say something like that?
Joan: A master’s in sexuality?
3: I’m thinking I’d like to frame it and hang it over my bed.
Joan: That sounds like a great idea. I could go into that business, certificate for age-less sexuality, a half course.
3: Maybe then no one will notice the teas in a glass by my bathroom sink.
Joan: What do you think the exam would be for that one though?
Dr. Veronica: Oh no.
3: Maybe we need another segment for that.
Joan: Let’s think about that. I do love your voice though. Dr. Veronica was right. Your voice is amazing.
Dr. Veronica: One piece that I must mention, I always had to put on my medical cat, that has been going on though is in the senior community, and even in nursing homes the rate of sexually transmitted diseases has been increasing.
And so in the youthful population safe sex has been talked about so much that there’s these big upticks in sexually transmitted disease. Whereas in the senior population there have been large upticks in sexually transmitted diseases. Can you comment on that?
Joan: Oh yeah, I’ll comment on that. You’ll have to stop me when you want me to be done. Because this is one of my soapboxes. I have a whole chapter on this in The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50. Oh, so many problems. One is that if we can’t get pregnant we must not need barrier protection. That’s a stupid illusion we have.
The other problem is that the doctor’s don’t even think to ask us are you sexually active most of the time because they assume we’re not because they’re the age of our grandchildren. And they’re not going to ask us a question like that. They would consider it invasive. Or maybe it wouldn’t occur to them.
And then we look at someone who’s just lost his wife and think, “He’s been in a long term relationship for 30 years. Obviously there’s nothing to worry about here.” Come on.
Dr. Veronica: That’s when he’s going to uptick. He’s going to go bananas. He’s going to go crazy. His wife just died. Are you kidding? These men, their wife just died. And in a minute they’re in another relationship, men especially.
Joan: But that’s the thing, it might have been for years, and we don’t know what he’s been doing in those three years, or in the last six months, or the last six weeks. Here’s the advice. Use barrier protection. That is condoms, dental dam, whatever it is you need, gloves even sometimes, with every relationship, until such time as you are in a committed, exclusive relationship, and have been in that relationship for three to six months.
And the reason for the time lag is if somebody is waving this piece of paper that says, “I have no sexually transmitted infections. Look, I just got tested last month.” That will tell you where you were maybe six months before that. It won’t tell you where you are today.
Dr. Veronica: This is just wonderful because people think life is going to end after if their spouse dies, or they get divorced, especially when they’re older. And so it’s wonderful to think. Intimacy is so important. The physical touch, even when it’s not sexual but in an intimate way is so important. Why? Because it releases hormones, the hormones that make you feel good and keep you alive.
And so make sure that you get enough hugs. We’re in a society today where… sexual harassment. And there are people who are dirty and they just need to check themselves. And people need to take some martial arts so you can dropkick those people. But on the other side we’ve gotten so into where we’re scared to touch each other. And when it comes to sexuality some people, it’s so prudish that you’re only supposed to have sex under certain circumstances. And that means either you’re very young and then you can go crazy, or you’re married. And so if you’re married you’re allowed to have sex.
Most people are not doing it under those circumstances. Here we are. We’re talking about senior sex. Tell us about some of the physical challenges that seniors face. What do they have to worry about? We know about erectile dysfunction because we got all the commercials with people strolling along. Even the people strolling along in the commercials don’t seem like they’re necessarily old enough to need those medicines. They should put some older people on there.
Joan: Maybe it’s at the best 40 there.
Dr. Veronica: What are the challenges physically?
Joan: I want to make a distinction between what Michael Castleman who’s a sex educator has called erectile dissatisfaction versus erectile dysfunction. Erectile dysfunction is where the penis does not get erect at all anymore, not in the morning, not through masturbation, not at all.
Whereas erectile dissatisfaction, which is really what most men who say they have ED are actually facing is they can sometimes get erection, but maybe not dependably, maybe not enough for penetration of a partner, and maybe they can’t maintain it even if it does work at first. Then when they have anxiety about that it just exacerbates the problem.
For male bodies, that’s the main thing, is the combination of not getting dependable erections and being anxious about that. For female bodies it’s certainly lack of lubrication, fragility of the vaginal tissues, so we just incorporate lubricants into our sex play right from the beginning, make it sexy, just as we would make condoms sexy, going back to that. If we eroticize these needs then it just becomes part of a sex play.
Dr. Veronica: I got to jump in because I’m thinking back. I was looking at me smiling, saying, “Why is she over there smiling?” I had this boyfriend who had not the strongest erection in the world, and I’m just sitting here thinking, “Oh my god, but everything else was so fabulous. What that wasn’t doing he made up for it.” It’s almost to me like when men can’t use that all of a sudden they get creative. And as a woman, it’s like the bomb. Just having said that I’ll calm back down now. Anybody who get offended by that switch off Wellness for the Real World because you’re going to hear that all the time.
Joan: You have to switch me off too because I absolutely agree with that. But that’s the thing, if we just take the focus off this one part of the body that might not be up to the job that they want. Instead, let’s get creative. You’ve got 10 fingers. You’ve got a tongue. You’ve got arms to hug with. You’ve got vibrators. We will be talking about vibrators won’t we?
Dr. Veronica: I got to have Russell jump in and give us the man view of what we just said about this. Russell, I’m just saying, oh my gosh. It’s funny because we’re all adults here so we’ve had some experience behind us. And just as she was talking about physical challenges I was like, he may have thought it was a physical challenge but I was not thinking it was a physical challenge at all. Comment Russell, please.
3: Alright, calmly I’ll say. Speaking of ED, whether that’s for dysfunction or dissatisfaction. And just as a caveat I want you to know I never experienced that myself. I am in fact the dude they make Viagra from. However…
Joan: I wonder who that dude was.
3: Yes, you met him.
Joan: You’ll get your certificate right now.
3: It’s easy to say, “We shouldn’t focus on that.” But I can tell you from a man, taking something like that is not just about your erection, even if you don’t use that erection so to speak. It takes an enormous pressure off your shoulders, because you’re afraid you’re going to disappoint your partner. And it frees you from that, which is wonderfully freeing. And opens you up to all kinds of creativity, because you feel you don’t have to make that particular remark.
Joan: I think that’s very valid. It takes the anxiety away.
Dr. Veronica: But when it’s not there, I think from a female perspective, we deal with all kinds of circumstances, especially when we’re into the person. You deal with whatever circumstances is presented to you. I have one of my friends say, “I can wake the dead.” We get creative. When we’re into that person, whatever presents itself, or doesn’t present itself, and make the situation wonderful. What do you have to say about that Joan?
Joan: It’s not all about penetration, let’s be blunt about that. It’s about sensation. The biggest sex organ we have is the skin. And that doesn’t mean just the penis skin. And it doesn’t just mean the vaginal skin. We have lots of skin. And if we concentrate on giving pleasurable sensation to our partners use all of our faculties, using our hands, using our mouths, using our words, we can… And I think this is what you were talking about Dr. Veronica, that if the erection is not the major focus, the partner gets creative. How can I please you, whether or not this erection is going to happen. It’s fine. Many of us like penetration, but it isn’t the only thing we like. And most women do not reach orgasm through penetration.
Dr. Veronica: This is true. Sexual needs change over time. I think especially even more in women. How do you talk to your partner about those changing sexual needs? And this is I think the talking is more of an issue in people who are in long-term relationships. I think people in new relationships communicate a little more. Especially women, you’re just like, “I’m going to talk to you.” But when you’re in a long-term relationship and your sexual needs are changing, how do you approach that?
Joan: One way you don’t approach it is by saying, “Oh god, I just hate sex with you these days.” You don’t approach it that way. You approach it…
3: That doesn’t work.
Joan: I know. That doesn’t work. Have you tried that? You know that doesn’t work.
3: No, but I received it.
Joan: Oh my gosh. That’s just horrible. What I tell people to do, and I have a whole chapter on this in both Naked at Our Age, and in The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 about how you have that conversation. You have that conversation not when you’re naked in bed, but at a neutral time and a neutral place. And you say something like, “I love you. I have always loved sex with you. But you know what, my body is changing with aging. And some of the ways I like to feel sensations are a little different than they used to be. And I wonder if we could go on a journey of exploration to figure out some new things that might turn me on.” Couldn’t you hear that from a partner? I hear that from a partner.
Dr. Veronica: I was thinking in the Dr. Veronica terms how I would say that.
Joan: I would just say it.
Dr. Veronica: I don’t necessarily know how I would say it, but it wouldn’t be, “Can we go on a journey of exploration?” You guys know what we mean when we’re saying that. So you’re going to have to put that into your own words so it’s… If you say, “Can I go on a journey of exploration…” I’m just kidding with you Joan.
Joan: No, that’s alright. My whole point was that is to make it yours. To figure out your words that would fit with that, not, “What have you been reading?” I want to tell you an example of when someone doesn’t do this. I have a blog, nakedatourage.com. It’s been running for about 11 years now.
Dr. Veronica: It’s an award-winning blog, nakedatourage.com.
Joan: We just talk about senior sex, news, views, and sex toy reviews. I had a comment from a reader who said, “I’m 80. I’ve been married to my wife for…”
Dr. Veronica: 60 years.
Joan: “She has always liked having her breast caressed. But now, no matter how long I do it she doesn’t get aroused. What do I do?” About the same time I got an email from a woman who said, “I always used to be stimulated by having my breast touched but now it just irritates the hell out of me. My husband won’t stop mauling my breasts. What do I do? I can’t tell him because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”
I don’t know for sure that was the same couple but it might have been. And the problem was, the big C word, communication. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings so she doesn’t say, “I don’t like that anymore.” He is doing what he’s always done to please her and it doesn’t work. And they’re at an impasse. And if she just said, “Honey, I used to love having my breasts touched but now my body’s changing and that doesn’t work for me anymore. Let’s figure out what does. Here’s what I would like to be touched now.”
If she doesn’t tell him he’ll never know. He’s not going to suddenly mind read. “Oh, you know what, I don’t think she likes this anymore.” Because she hasn’t told him.
Dr. Veronica: Joan, this has been quite delightful. We’re coming up on the end of our show in Wellness for the Real World. And we always have exciting conversations here. This is Joan Price, and go to her award-winning blog, nakedatourage.com. Or you can go to her website, joanprice.com, just exactly, nothing complicated about it, joanprice.com. Her book is The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty How to Maintain – or Regain – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life.
I want to thank Joan for being on the show. Russell, it’s always a pleasure to speak with you. If you guys haven’t figured it out, we’re all broadcasting from different locations. Russell is on a different site than I am. But we’ve been partners for so long, not those kind of partners, but partners for a while. This is Dr. Veronica. This is Wellness for the Real World.
Female VO: Thank you for listening to the Wellness Revolution Podcast. If you want to hear more on how to bring wellness into your life visit drveronica.com. See you all next week. Take care.
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Dr. Veronica Anderson is an MD, Functional Medicine practitioner, Homeopath. and Medical Intuitive. As a national speaker and designer of the Functional Fix and Rejuvenation Journey programs, she helps people who feel like their doctors have failed them. She advocates science-based natural, holistic, and complementary treatments to address the root cause of disease. Dr. Veronica is a highly-sought guest on national television and syndicated radio and hosts her own radio show, Wellness for the REAL World, on FOX Sports 920 AM “the Jersey” on Mondays at 7:00 pm ET.