“Downtimes that we have in our lives are our allies because without bad good wouldn’t exist”
Dr. Veronica Anderson, Host, Functional Medicine Specialist and Medical Intuitive interviews Lynn Newman on overcoming depression and anxiety to reinvent your life.
Do you feel negative emotions? Creativity expert Lynn Newman has a Masters in counseling psychology and will help you ignite new ways to reinvent your life.
In this episode, Lynn shares how negative emotions can help you and ways to handle those feelings. She also talks about ways to overcome depression and anxiety before Russell opens up to share how he felt after his father passed. Listen to the end to find how to take the first step towards a better life.
Listen to episode 50 on iTunes here or subscribe on your favorite podcast app.
50: Show Notes
Dr. Veronica Anderson’s Links:
01:30 – Mentorship for success
07:00 – How negative feelings can help you
09:30 – Handling negative feelings
11:18 – Dropping the personal story
12:44 – Changing your depression and anxiety
18:45 – Feelings after Russell’s father’s death
23:00 – Taking the first step towards a better life
Female VO: Welcome to the Wellness Revolution Podcast, the radio show all about wellness in your mind, body, spirit, personal growth, sex, and relationships. Stay tuned for weekly interviews featuring guests that have achieved physical, mental, and spiritual health in their lives.
If you’d like to have access to our entire back catalog visit drveronica.com for instant access. Here’s your host, Dr. Veronica.
Dr. Veronica: I am Dr. Veronica is a medical doctor, full MD, yes I am, that means many dimensions and that’s what you get on Wellness For The Real World. I am also a medical intuitive and a homeopath and I am your radio host and I enjoy doing this so I can get my message out there to you to help you lead a healthier and happier life. And helping me do that is my wonderful cohost Russell Cook. Russell are you still there with us?
Russell: I am still here, I am still here, enchanted listening to you.
Dr. Veronica: I am happy that you are enchanted and I always love listening to you with a booming voice. You know what, I have to talk and say everybody knows I go to a lot of trainings, you have to always improve yourself, you must always strive for self improvement, if you are stuck, you are stuck because you are not working on being unstuck. And so if you say how do you get so much done in your life? It’s because I am improving and I am practicing.
Now, let me just tell you one of the secret sources to improving, I invest in mentors, I invest in mentors. So my mentors are many and so they are the obvious people who are my mentors and those are other medical professionals that have knowledge that I add to my repertoire to be able to help people in all kinds of areas. I have medical intuitives and intuitives who have been mentors, I have other doctors or people that are coaches who mentor me to allow me to better be able to serve you. I even had a radio mentor in the past who taught me how you make a god listening. So when you listen to the show and you find it entertaining, it wasn’t just entertaining from the beginning, you have to learn how to be entertaining.
So the secret source in life is having teachers and mentors who give you their knowledge and then you have to practice it and in order to practice it you have to do it all the time everyday and be dedicated to it. So if you want to be good at anything in life, anything, you have to practice. So
So Russell is in the arts and he, am going to say he sings and dances but that’s not but Russell is quite multi talented over there. Is what I am saying true Russell that you have to have a mentor to teach you how to do pretty much everything?
Russell: Well, it sure saves you a lot of time rather than getting it wrong and not knowing what the hell was wrong or why because you did your best and reinventing the wheel, yeah, it really ……… 0:03:17.4 a good solid professional who themselves they are not just good but you have the sense that they know exactly what they are doing and it’s not just an accident that they are fun to watch or listen to.
Dr. Veronica: Yes, everything is on purpose and so that’s what we do as coaches and mentors. So yes I am a physician but what I do now in life is shortcut the process, I can give you bites in three simple steps, five simple steps, I break it down, I learn it in detail so that when I give it to you all of a sudden you are going to say hey, that was easy, how come I didn’t think of that before? Well, after a hundred thousand hours of training experience and practice, it’s important that you also have to practice what you preach. And so you have to wrap your practice and practice what you preach. And so one pieces, the reason why I see a lot of people are sick is because they go to doctors that are sick, the doctors are sick and so how can you be well when your doctor is sick? They don’t know to teach you how to be well because they are sick. So just realize when you are picking and choosing, you have to pick and choose people that there is something about them that you want to be like.
Now, on the other side of things, we all have bad days and we all have negative emotions and we say, well, I am going to get rid of that, oh my god, I want to feel better but I don’t know how to feel better, I am scared. I am not you Russell who can go out there and sing on a stage, I am not you Dr. Veronica who can talk about anything and everything on the radio and in front of audiences. I am just a regular person and I am scared, I am anxious, I am depressed. Guess what you know that I am going to bring someone on the show that’s going to teach you about how to get over these fears, anxiety, depression, negative emotions, about sitting with negative emotions because guess what? If you have fear, anger, depression all these types of things sometime you have to sit with the emotion and examine exactly what is going on, not put it down, not ignore it but sit with it and then decide how do I bring that fear, anger and sadness that makes you sick, physically sick over to gratitude love and joy. That’s doesn’t mean that I ignore the fear, anger or sadness, it means that I am able to name it and then figure out what is going on and then to let it go and move over to a more perspective place of gratitude love and joy and that’s how you get well.
So I am going to bring on our new guest Lynn Newman. Lynn is a creativity expert and has a masters in clinical psychology. So she has real credentials. That’s another thing, get somebody with real credentials, everybody out there claims that they are experts but do they really have anything behind them? Well, Lynn Newman has real credentials behind them but not only does she have real credentials, she gets results. Is the person that you are hiring to do whatever you do and the get real results? The author of the Game of You, it’s a book and a deck of card set, Lynn Newman welcome to Wellness For The Real World.
Lynn: Hi Dr. Veronica, hi Russell. It’s a pleasure, how fun.
Dr. Veronica: I strive to make my introductions fun because I want to raise the energy of everybody that’s on the show and so when you guys say, waa, she is so crazy at that. Because the energy that you are listening to in my voice and the energy that you listen to in the guest is going to affect your whole body and so I always want my guests to come on feeling really good so that you the people out there I love and strive to make well are able to get that. So Lynn, we are going to talk about the other side of things, the negative emotions and people thing negative emotions they are so bad I don’t want to feel them, I want to ignore them, I should be happy all the time. How can negative feelings actually help us?
Lynn: It’s a great question, you know, because the goodness about feeling bad is that when we get thrown off course there is an opportunity for us. So when it’s down our spirit strengthens by finding our way up. It’s like “down times” that we have in our lives are our allies because without that good wouldn’t exist.
Dr. Veronica: Very true. It’s how we think, we contrast, good bad, up down, black white
Lynn: Exactly, we live in that duality. And, you know, how life rolls is that after good experience is bad things do happen because with every expansion we have we always contrast but that means nothing about us.
Dr. Veronica: Yes, I believe that one of the reasons now that my marriage is happy is because I have been in a marriage, and it wasn’t horrible, I mean, some people have these really horrible stories but I went through a time in a relationship where I was unhappy. And so I understand what it’s like to be unhappy and now I understand and I wasn’t unhappy every single moment of every single day but I understand now the difference, here is what I didn’t like going on, now this is what I like and that I believe makes me happy and grateful and joyful. Do you find that that’s something with other people too that when they experience the negative that they can experience the positive more fully?
Lynn: Absolutely, absolutely because meeting our feelings with presence fully can help us empty like our overflowing cup and ultimately feeling all of our feelings however they are, whatever kind they are creates freedom and self empowerment.
Dr. Veronica: So you say there is a number one way of to handle negative emotions when they arise, what is that?
Lynn: So, the number one way to handle negative feelings when they arise is to locate the self-judgment, to take the pressure of. So how this works is, you know, taking the pressure off to be happy can actually make it easier to be happy and when we judge ourselves we think there is a problem with us but the good news is when we feel bad we are becoming more aware and giving ourselves more permission to be. So there are questions that we can ask ourselves to help us take the pressure off. So if you would identify self judgment and you ask the question what if it didn’t matter if I …… 0:10:02.8 blank or not and you feel that blanken with whatever that self judgment is. What if I didn’t have to have it all figured out? What if there was nothing I had to do change effects? What if there was nothing to lose? And I love this mantra, so what, who cares, why not, big deal.
Russell: Say that again
Dr. Veronica: So what, who cares, why not, big deal.
Dr. Veronica: And you hear Russell over there chuckling and it’s true who cares, who cares.
Russell: That’s what my dog always said to me.
Lynn: You know dogs are the most enlightened, aren’t they?
Dr. Veronica: What about, I once interviewed a monk and he said something so profound, he said people love the ………… 0:10:52.6 the sorry story of my life. You say drop the story, tell us about dropping. I notice in my clients, they first come in and they just want to pour out to me all this happened and that happened and this excuse and that excuse, blah, blah, blah. One of the first pieces that I work on with them, a lot of times without them noticing, sometimes direct in their face upfront is changing that languaging in the story. Tell us about how we can drop the story?
Lynn: Ok, most if not all of our problems are based on old memories. So we have bought into a story about who we are from our childhood the things we believed or from our past the things that we now believe other than I am not enough .. 0:11:37.7 that wants to be enough or a non-lovability that wants to be loved or a wrong that needs to be righted or a lie that was broken. So I use this equation to help you out with feelings plus thought equals emotion, feeling plus thought equals emotions. So if we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling without attaching a story or a thought to that feeling the feeling can remain in its original state, simply a sensation that can easily pass. So when an emotion is carrying you away, a way to work with this is identify the feelings by narrowing it down to five, anger, fear, sadness and joy and loving. Once you narrow it down to those five then drop whatever story is attached to those five, the he said this, she said that and this happened and that happened story and then the feeling can pass away quickly like a cloud moving across the sky.
Dr. Veronica: Like a cloud moving across the sky. So talk to us a little bit Lynn about depression and anxiety because I can tell you I have not seen people that have those two separated. Depression and anxiety seem to be a continuum and if you have depression you have anxiety, if you have anxiety you get depressed. Talk to us about depression and anxiety.
Lynn: you are absolutely right anxiety and depression are very much alike it’s not the same thing. They fall completely under the same umbrella. So depression is actually a depress inner of our feeling. We are pressing down the feeling and the reason why we do that is that what we fear most is our vulnerability, you know. We fear vulnerable to being hurt, so we grip or lock down or put up defenses with anger to not have to feel it. It’s so funny because as soon as we feel our fear we judge it as wrong and then we become anxious because we our judging our fear as wrong and then it turns into panic because we judge ourselves for judge ourselves for judging it as wrong. And that’s the cracks of anxiety, it’s the spinout that we go through. So the expectations that we put on ourselves of the inner societal cultural pressures and the beliefs that have been formed that we are wrong if we feel anything causes us to push and press down.
So how we handle this is by allowing ourselves to appreciate and value our fear, we are supposed to feel fear, not only are we supposed to, we need because anxiety is a messenger telling us something is wrong or not in alignment with our highest self.
Dr. Veronica: What do you tell people when they know what’s wrong but they cannot get over that hump?
Lynn: Yeah, ok, so are you asking me what’s wrong if they feel something wrong with themselves or if they think something is wrong with someone outside of them?
Dr. Veronica: Two different questions really. Those are very different questions, you know, a lot of people they feel anxiety and stress because they perceive that they don’t have control of what’s going on. So a common stressor is work and so I see a lot of people I can’t do this because work is stressful, bla, bla, bla. And so when you are feeling anxiety because of those situations that you feel you have no control over but yet you have decided to stay in that situation, how can you change how see that situation so you will be better off?
Lynn: So when anxiety, stress these types of feelings arise or depression, the idea is to allow them on the path ok, which is like here it is, there it is, yap, there it is and if we push it away or try to press it down it’s going to put fuel to the fire. So what we do instead is we lean into it, we allow it and as we lean into it our nervous system continues to strengthen so the more we lean into and be like yap here it is again and we don’t judge it, it strengthens and that becomes a practice.
Dr. Veronica: It’s interesting you say lean in because lean in is one of those common phrases that we use a lot but yet what exactly does lean in mean? I find if I am feeling anxious or depressed or whatever it is, it is almost like I feel like I am going to explode, I am going to explode and that means that I am going to go off and it’s going to be little pieces of me and that’s going to be it. That’s how intense those emotions are, you understand this.
Lynn: I get it.
Dr. Veronica: And so when people are feeling that what do you want to do? You want to press it in so you don’t explode and you stay together. But you are saying explode, but then when people explode then they go and they start lashing out at other people. What do you mean by lean in? Because I am sure you are not meaning go lash out and, there are really people who are killing people here.
Lynn: I am so glad you said that right now because it means the opposite of exploding, leaning in and it’s like it’s a gentle, tender acceptance of what’s happening. We come out of it with compassion, with nurturing, with loving and the leaning in is that we are not pushing it away, we soften.
Dr. Veronica: Ok, that’s something that we have to sit with and work with. While I sit and work with that Russell is going to jump in and take over so I can seat and work and pull myself back together. So Russell
Russell: Oh hi there, I like the stuff you are talking about, I think you are right on the money. I think it’s all about whatever you are experiencing, I think most of our grief comes from our beliefs that there is something wrong with us or we wouldn’t be feeling this way or, you know, you are talking about leaning in when depression strikes, it strikes me as kind of just like riding a bicycle, right, when you go around the curves. When the bike goes around the curve if you are determined to hit that bike straight up and down like nothing is wrong well you have a problem on your hands. But if you go around the curve on the bicycle and you lean into the turn over to the side you can go quite smoothly at higher speed
Lynn: I love that Russell, that’s awesome, that’s a great image.
Dr. Veronica: Now Russell, what kind of, I know you have been through a lot of interactions in life and we all continue to go through them but recently I know you went through the death of your father and you just seem to do that with such grace and ease. Tell us what you were feeling?
Russell: Well, I don’t mean to do some …….0:18:56.6 I certainly have my moments where it all got the best of me. But all humility aside I think I did handle it well and I handled it gratefully. You see with me it seems clear that someone as close to me as my father is dying, well this is a big event and there is nothing I can do about it. I would much rather have them stick around so I have my dad to talk to, you know, but given that he is going I so chose to be part of this process of dying. I was able to be part of my mother’s process also twenty years ago and both times I just felt so privileged to be with them, see the stages of death, help them by comforting them, I mean, I just learned so much and it makes me less afraid of my own death which is a gift union of itself. But, you know, so many people’s automatic reaction is that death horrible and they can’t stand even to think about it let alone look at it. And so, you know, their loved ones die and barely get spoken to by the people who have been closest to them in their lives and it doesn’t help anybody. It’s just perpetuating fear.
It’s accepting what’s happening even though you don’t understand it and even though you hate it, you know. So, you know, if we throw the word mindful around these days a lot but what you were saying Lynn is very much that. If we go through the sad times, I mean, we can …. 0:21:27.9 because no we don’t know what’s going to happen and no, they don’t feel good. While we can make this very bold choice of just getting through it however but allowing one little piece of ourselves to just watch the whole thing, just observe it,
Dr. Veronica: Without judgment
Russell: If we can pull that off, exactly, yeah.
Lynn: Rather than gripping so tightly as you were saying so beautifully, it’s about softly opening our hands.
Dr. Veronica: So I just have to tell everyone that you are listening to this interview because Lynn is a wonderful practitioner, Lynn Newman at lynnnewman.com and there are three ns in there all together.
Lynn: It’s a horrible thing when you have a cold, I am telling you
Dr. Veronica: lynnnewman. So Lynn Newman is author of The Game of You, you learn about you and when you can actually sit back and pull yourself out of the situation and observe without judgment it becomes a beautiful piece to watch, the story of your life, not getting involved in it from an emotional stand point but to observe and say hmmm that’s interesting, hmm, that’s interesting, hmm, that’s interesting because this is all our evolution. Everyone knows that they are here for a particular purpose and so everything that happens to you is a purpose and if you had no more purpose you would already be dead.
So on our last note here, wait, Lynn gives free games on her website. She has on her website The Game of You on lynnnewman.com, you go to the game of you and you get an interactive version of this game. So go to Lynn’s website and get that. Buy Lynn just finally when people are struggling and they are having trouble, they are really down, the anxiety and depression is really getting to them what would be the first recommendation that you would make to them to change it just a little bit to keep them going on and you have like one minute to answer this because we are really getting crushed.
Lynn: I would just say very simple that being human is truly enough.
Dr. Veronica: Wow, that was like one second.
Lynn: Being human is truly enough and all I need is permission to be human.
Dr. Veronica: what does that mean being human, being human what does that mean?
Lynn: Well, being human means that there is the dark and the light and when we accept that we come to accept ourselves and others so much more easily in life and perfections color our lives, mistakes make originality, difficulty brings light.
Dr. Veronica: Imperfections make our light. Imperfections are beautiful. We focus so much on beauty and perfection in our culture, I think that’s why a lot people feel inadequate and when you begin to love your perfections “and realize that” I realize my perfections, imperfections are perfect. If I have this scar from having surgery on my leg and I love to show people my scar. And in Japan when something becomes more beautiful because its “has been broken or imperfect” that called wabi-sabi. so we need more wabi-sabi in our life and so if you go lynnnewman.com you will learn how to love you that the imperfect you is perfect.
Female VO: Thank you for listening to the Wellness Revolution Podcast. If you want to hear more on how to bring wellness into your life visit drveronica.com. See you all next week. Take care.
Dr. Veronica Anderson is an MD, Functional Medicine practitioner, Homeopath. and Medical Intuitive. As a national speaker and designer of the Functional Fix and Rejuvenation Journey programs, she helps people who feel like their doctors have failed them. She advocates science-based natural, holistic, and complementary treatments to address the root cause of disease. Dr. Veronica is a highly-sought guest on national television and syndicated radio and hosts her own radio show, Wellness for the REAL World, on FOX Sports 920 AM “the Jersey” on Mondays at 7:00 pm ET.