“If you want to be free and get everything you want, you gotta let go. Let go of whatever you need to forgive”
Susan De Lorenzo
Dr. Veronica Anderson, Host, Functional Medicine Specialist and Medical Intuitive interviews Susan De Lorenzo on how to survive breast cancer & any adversity to live the life of your dreams
Are you or anyone you know fighting cancer? 16-year breast cancer survivor and certified transformational life coach, Susan De Lorenzo, specializes in inspiring survivors of cancer or any adversity to live the life of their dreams.
In this episode, Susan talks about how she survived cancer and a toxic divorce at the same time. She will also share her recent love and romance stories and exactly how she accepted a failed marriage. Listen to the end to find out how her son handled the whole process.
Listen to episode 54 on iTunes here or subscribe on your favorite podcast app.
54: Show Notes
Dr. Veronica Anderson’s Links:
03:40 – Unhappy relationships with cancer
07:56 – Choosing a partner
09:37 – Transforming health
10:35 – Recent love and romance
14:09 – Divorce and husbands during adversity
18:27 – Lifting values and having fun
19:58 – Accepting a failed marriage
24:45 – How children handle divorce
Female VO: Welcome to the Wellness Revolution Podcast, the radio show all about wellness in your mind, body, spirit, personal growth, sex, and relationships. Stay tuned for weekly interviews featuring guests that have achieved physical, mental, and spiritual health in their lives.
If you’d like to have access to our entire back catalog visit drveronica.com for instant access. Here’s your host, Dr. Veronica.
Dr. Veronica: I am Dr. Veronica Anderson, medical doctor, medical intuitive, yes, I am a real doctor and you call it real doctor, there are a lot of doctors out there that are real doctor but when the public says doctor what they mean real doctors with those of us with MDs but no there are many voices out there that are real that I bring to you that have other credentials behind their name other than MD. And some of those are much more brilliant than some of my MD colleagues and that’s why I bring them on from all over the place.
And so I am bringing on to you a discussion about cancer and everybody is always so afraid of having the big C, the big cancer, what do I do, how do I live, am I going to die, why do I have this, what’s life beyond? And you get the diagnosis and you say, oh my god, my life is falling apart and for some people their life really does fall apart. Their relationships fall apart, everybody goes away from them. When people have cancer it can just be a really tough time. It separates the boys from the men and make the girls put on their big girl panties and when you come through something like that you are really triumphant.
So people talk about being a survivor, ah, ah, people who really come through cancer and do it well and fabulously are thrivers and those are the people who figure it out from a spiritual standpoint, from an emotional standpoint and they get it together and some of them get it together so well that they can speak in a loud voice and help other people have hope for what is on the other side. So I am bringing one of those people to you today. Her name is Susan De Lorenzo and she is an author and a transformational life coach. She says thank you cancer because, you know, people say it’s my biggest blessing, thank you cancer and that’s her website, thankyoucancer.com, thank you cancer.
So we are going to talk to her about what happened to her when she got cancer, how she went through it and I know you are going to find this story invigorating because you want to know, yes, if you are going through it now, if your life just fell apart, your relationship fall out of the way that yes there is hope your better days are not behind you and you are not going doom to die miserable. So let’s bring her right on, Susan De Lorenzo, welcome to Wellness For The Real World.
Susan: Thank you so much Dr. Veronica. I am just so happy to be here and I just love your message of full spectrum living, it’s something that I whole heartedly share with you.
Dr. Veronica: So now, you have this book, Thank You Cancer, the hidden gems from adversity, the hidden gems from adversity and many of us have heard people say, my illness was my biggest blessing and people look at them and they say, how could you say that? Don’t say that? I don’t want ever get ill. Tell us first of all your cancer experience.
Susan: Sure, I am a sixteen years survivor of breast cancer, at the time I was a full time working mother of a toddler in a very unhappy marriage, taking a training, feeling that there was never enough of me to go around. I was perfectly set up to get sick in my mind. I really look back and see that. And I actually felt like a failure, I felt like I just could not master life, there must have been some magic trick to being a full time working mum and I just didn’t have the answer. So my experience was in days of breast cancer I went through chemotherapy, radiation and just when I was growing a little hair on my head, my husband at the time wanted to leave and I remember already going through quite a time and going up to the bathroom and yelling up to God because apparently that’s where I thought God was and yelled out “do you think I could just have a year off” and I was incredulous but I thought the universe was kicking my butt and was actually cleaning my health. It set me up for everything else that was to follow.
Dr. Veronica: So, you were in unhappy marriage, I think this is important for us to talk about, I tell people I am a medical intuitive and I do energetic readings on people and a lot of people who have cancer, number one, they are having that seventh energy system problem, it’s a life or death type situation. People who get cancer are having life crises. A lot of people who get cancer also at some point most of them in fact have a death wish. They feel like maybe it’s better to be dead than it is to be alive. This physiology, this stress changes your body and then you manifest a cancer somewhere and so it’s rare to find a person who has gotten cancer who hasn’t had some type of death wish because they feel like it might be better to be dead.
Now, let’s talk about breast cancer and what that has to do with this. It is in your fourth energy center your fourth chakra that’s around you heart chakra. And so a lot of women who are having trouble with their romantic relationships end up manifesting breast cancer because it’s all in that same area and guess what if you fix your breast cancer and you don’t fix the problem that you are going on with spiritually, you will manifest another life threatening problem in your heart chakra area. So what is that? You will say well, I am getting a side effect from the medication or the radiation or chemotherapy, I am getting side effect, I got heart failure or I got lung problem or, my god, I have got this really horrible lymphedema. It’s all in the fourth center and you get these really threatening horrible problems when you do not take care of your spiritual house. And so if you feel that you are in a toxic relationship and you have cancer, the answer is you are in a toxic relationship and it’s your choice to decide what to do.
So now, Susan you were in this relationship that you weren’t happy with and then you got cancer and then he said he is living buy yet you were upset about it. Tell us the emotions that were surrounding you because you weren’t happy in the relationship. So tell me what happened.
Susan: You would think I would be saying yippee but I had a two year old at the time and I felt like, you know, it is the traditional way we were raised where you stay together and I felt a real responsibility to my child to give him two parents in the house and otherwise I think you are right, I think it would have been like it sounds good. And the interesting thing based on what you said was he stayed in that house for another year after he told me he wanted to live. He said he wanted to be a father and not a husband and I told him, I didn’t fight for my life to have this for my life and I actually developed another lump in my other remaining breast. I had a mastectomy but that remaining that now I was mad. I felt like he has got to go.
Dr. Veronica: So when you first went to the relationship, let’s talk about the genesis a little bit more before we talk about the cancer itself. The genesis of going into this relationship that ended up unhappy. When you were picking it, because we are in a culture where we pick our relationships, when you were picking it did you have any inkling that you were picking it, and I know the answer is yes, because people know in the back of their mind that there is some issue but there is still a reason that you picked to go into this relationship. Tell me about that.
Susan: Low, low self-esteem. I honestly believed that nobody else would want me. I really developed this as a teenager, I was told that I was overweight and that I was hiding how beautiful I was, which meant I wasn’t beautiful. And I took that into dating, I took that into other relationships, I saw myself and I gave the man, whoever my partner was that same view of me. I communicated that to the man. So I was thinking this is the only guy, G, he seems to love me, I think this is the best I can do. I look back on that now and just it blows my mind. It’s like looking at that woman from out of space or I need a telescope to see that woman now.
Dr. Veronica: It’s interesting now because I see you, you came, I met this lady at an event and she is very attractive and the picture of Health Now. So did your cancer transform your whole health?
Susan: Yes it did and I can tell you when my husband left I called myself Maria Van Trap, that I was that lady spinning around on the top of the mountain, I didn’t have to walk an ………. 0:09:53.1 anymore, I felt free. I was under a man who was very verbally abusive and I had grown up around the person with depression which it turned out this man had, I never put that together. I was starting to connect all the dots and I was starting to look ahead to what was possible and the fact that I was free to choose again, to choose life and loving myself began a whole new chapter.
Dr. Veronica: Wow. So I have got to jump ahead a little bit just so people can have some hope. Tell us what is the status of your romantic life at this point.
Susan: It is fabulous, I have been with a wonderful man for five years but can I share what happened shortly after my husband left?
Dr. Veronica: Oh sure
Susan: In terms of romance. After he left I had put together a vision board of life I would really love and that included falling in love and being fully appreciated and a friend of mine about six months after my husband left married a friend chef and at her wedding a young man was pursuing me from France and I at the time was forty one years old and I did not know this, I was praying he was at least thirty but he was twenty seven I came to learn later and I fell madly in love. I actually have a chapter in my book called the old me would have her shirt off by now, I never thought of myself as having a really hard ………0:11:33.3 right? And now I have got a reconstructed breast and this incredibly sexy handsome young man thinking that I am hot stuff and I remember saying those words the old me would have her shirt off by now and in this beautiful French accent he says to me I don’t care, I want all of you. And that transformed me and off came the shirt, you know. From there I was with him for three years, I was in love and in a process so in love with myself. I remember standing in front of a mirror that night. The night we met I certainly didn’t take all off in but I went back to my hotel room where I was staying and it was the first time I looked at myself in the mirror naked and said wow, this is beautiful, somebody loves this. so I he is certainly thinking it’s hot stuff I might as well try to look at it through that lens as well and I have been able to do that ever since.
Dr. Veronica: So take note women, there is nothing like a boy toy to rejuvenate yourself. I am going to tell you, I can do another show about that because here is the thing they call us cougars except in my own personal experience I have not pursued younger men but younger men have regularly pursued me to the point where it is the age difference is so huge that it’s very uncomfortable and I know that if I were a man I won’t even think about that age difference, won’t even consider it. But because I have some ethics and say, you know, I am thinking logically, I want to have a normal life, I him to have a normal life and I don’t want blablabla. Men don’t think about that, they will get somebody half their age and less not even think about it, think it’s ok to be an 80 year old father and have these two year old kids running around whilst as women are thinking, you know, maybe it’s not quite right and I want to make sure he has a chance for a normal live and bla, bla, bla, now hot and heavy. I am telling you men, you get some of these guys, they just for whatever reason, because you are beautiful, because you are emanating beauty different from the women in their own age group who still haven’t figured it out because this happens post forty, all women know that and I know women who it happens post fifty and post sixty that they have really young guys pursuing them and it’s really a quandary and they cannot figure out what to do. So think about this, women out there who have cancer and something has been lopped off there is a boy toy out there that is ready to love you.
So let’s talk about divorce and cancer. The divorce rate among couples with the cancer diagnosis is higher than the fifty percent average, not only that, when the man is a care giver he is going to bolt quicker than a woman who is a caregiver. Susan talk to us a little bit about that.
Susan: Will do. It’s an uncommon role for most men the caregiver role. They are like a duck out of water and they are very uncomfortable. This a generalization obviously that they often feel that they are going it alone, men have more of the lone ranger syndrome than women do. We reach out to our friends and family for support. We are going to call upon our sisters and our friends to give us what we need especially if we have kids involved in the whole scenario. Men feel like they have to handle it all. And the other part of this Dr. Veronica is that we are exposing the cracks in the marriage when any adversity is going to show us what’s missing in a marriage and maybe we were just blindly going by believing that we could handle it, it was good enough and we were going to be ok but when this happens every foundational crack is going to pull down the house.
Dr. Veronica: I think back because I have not had cancer but I had a major injury and this is with my new husband and I could not have imagined having something like that happen with my former husband I just think he would not have risen to the occasion the same way. He would have hired somebody to get me help and all that. But my current husband, I mean, he just came to the hospital, he was there with me, he had to go out and get stuff for me, I couldn’t walk, before he went to work he was going out and getting stuff and sitting me up and coming back and checking on me, I mean, he did like a woman. He did it like a woman would have done it.
Susan: That’s wonderful.
Dr. Veronica: I was mortified because this was only a little bit over a year after we had been married and I am worried about, oh, my god I am not perfect anymore and oh, god. You know, all these fears that you go through which are the same types of fears that when you have cancer it’s even worse that you go through and all of a sudden I just had a different level of love and respect for him because he said no, this is our problem. This is not just your problem, this is our problem and we will get this is our problem and we will get through this together as a team.
Susan: What a blessing, what a beautiful blessing and I can relate. This man I have been for five years, his name is Mark he is eight years older than be by the way, I have kind of done the flip side here but he has just stood be me and I know now what a real partnership feels like and I feel so blessed by that.
Dr. Veronica: You told us about one of the stories you should have had the shirt off in your book Thank You Cancer – the hidden gems from adversity. You have to go to thankyoucancer.com so you can hear more from Susan De Lorenzo. This is an uplifting invigorating story rather than talking about you can treat it because there is so much on there. We will do that on other shows, I want you to have more the spiritual psychological side of it because if you don’t get that together, if you don’t get out of whatever was toxic that caused you to allow the cancer to manifest your body in the first place you are just going to get, they may lop off one breast, they may lop off another breast because you are getting lymph node or you get a heart attack or you get something else. And so therefore you must take care of whatever it is that not yes, you have to clean up your eating and all the other type of stuff. I am not talking about that physical stuff that’s a whole other matter but the spiritual stuff, this emotional stuff, this not feeling good about yourself, this death wish because it’s so bad. You have to get out of that so that you can really heal. So what other type of veils did the cancer lift for you? The relationship or any other types of veils that were lifted for you through this cancer.
Susan: Absolutely my value. My value went through the roof, having fun in life, that life wasn’t pure drudgery, that I came to play, I came to play on this earth and we all did, what a great reminder that is, that you know, the phrase live your dash, right? We are born one day and yes we are laying our head down on the pillow for the last time one day and what we do in between that is it just going to work, is it just raising the family, no we have to feed our soul and we came here to contribute and do something that only you can do. You are doing what only you can do right now, you are living it. And that is where I stand right now and invite everyone to take a look at that point and really start writing about it, tuning in on that, why am I here? It wasn’t just to follow the recipe for some of us growing up, going to school, getting married, getting a job, not necessarily in all these orders, having a baby. But there is something that only I can do, only you can in that way that is going to serve the rest of us.
Dr. Veronica: So you say thank you cancer but you have gotten to a place also, I tell people to leave toxic relationships but a lot of times they hold on to the anger and the fear and the sadness and they still hold on to it even though they out of their relationship so the stressor on the body, the psychological and the spiritual issues are still there. You have gotten into a place where you are ok with your X and you are saying it didn’t end badly but when you really you are there you can say you know what, I don’t know what your X’s name is but I can say, you know what Mr. X I am happy you did what you did thank you, thank you for being exactly who you are and doing what you did because you helped me grow.
And so people who really grow out of it they don’t have that fear or anger or whatever, they realize what happened but people realize from a spiritual standpoint and you may not believe this but this is Dr. Veronica, medical intuitive, clairvoyant all these other things can see in the past lives, I realize that before this life I enlisted Mr. X husband to play a particular role in my life so that my soul could grow and he could teach me something.
So you ended up ok with your X because I know people here will say aahhh, horrible guy, men would do that, the men haters, but he is not a bad guy, he is a good guy because he helps, he is knight on a horse because he helped your soul grow immeasurably. So talk about that and you became good with it?
Susan: I will, the best thing I would say he did me the biggest favor of my life, I would have stayed in that suffering and I don’t if I would be around talking to you today if he had stayed. I raised the bar, I put the bar at a level where we were going to have an excellent relationship. I knew that when the dust settled I got to choose the relationship I was going to have with my son’s father. And while not fun to be in a divorce and to have to work all these situations of uncomfortable, I did not love that he came over all the time to see my son. I didn’t want his energy around me, it was a very unhappy energy but he went on to be a very good father and we support each other all throughout, throughout day care, throughout after school programs and everything.
We actually kid and call ourselves some Mormon family because he went on to marry right after he left me, he said wanted to live alone but he actually married right away and went on to have another child. So we go to my son’s event with the other wife with his sister and we just look like one giant Mormon family sitting and watching me son play in the school orchestra. And I love that and I want that to be a model for others that when we forgive, actually as a life coach that’s one of the key tenets, I say if you want to be free and get everything you want you have to let go, let go of whatever you need to forgive.
Dr. Veronica: So that’s what I was going to mention, hey, this lady is truly a transformational life coach if you want to know how to get from there to here and the here is being good with it and knowing what your life purpose is, think about Susan De Lorenzo. Go to thankyoucancer.com. She is specialized in helping people who have gone through cancer or going through cancer obviously. She has been there, she has done that, she is in a good place but she is also a certified transformational life coach so not just though her experience, through education and training. She is able to help people make these types of transformations because we are all here to enjoy life, we are here to evolve. You have to understand life is always going to have challenges because how your soul evolves, how your purpose and your journey evolves is through the challenges, those are the biggest lessons. And so you should try now to sort out those challenges, why has my life been like this, that, this that and this?
If you are ready to really jump to another level this is when you bring on board a life coach. You jump to a different level and a life coach is not just simply somebody who has been through one thing and now they say that they are life coach because there are a lot of people like that. There are a lot of people who are like I can help you lose weight, yeah, they lost a lot of weight themselves but they don’t ……. 0:24:20.4 of everything. And, that’s why people are so discouraged by weight loss and life coaches and things like that because you have got to have some real background and training behind it to be able to be a leader so that when you see somebody going through something you can really help more that transformation.
So again Susan De Lorenzo, thankyoucancer.com. I would like to end on knowing, we only have a couple of minutes left, you son, how did you son handle all this.
Susan: He benefited from this separation, he even says to this day it was one of the best things, it would have been a very toxic environment for him to grow up in. He sees how I am versus his father, he has grown up with me, ……….. 0:25:07.7 the benefit of his father’s love yet he has been shown with me as his model what’s like to love life and to be optimistic and he’s been loved by two parents who have supported him and basically come from the same diet system.
Dr. Veronica: That’s a wonderful piece. So mums and dads out there especially mums, mums a lot of times want to vilify the men who left them or did whatever men do because men and women see these things differently, realize that he is on his journey too, you chose him and you chose him and you chose to lay down with him and have the baby with him so stop blaming somebody else, it was you who made that choice. And you made that choice because there was some place your spirit needed to evolve to and in order for it to evolve you had to go through that horrid experience. So will it make you bitter or will it make you better and if you want to learn how to be better you want to get with people like Susan De Lorenzo who can turn those lemons into lemonades. So Susan De Lorenzo thank you for being on Wellness For The Real World.
Susan: Thank you Dr. Veronica, I just love what you do and I will be following you, I think you are awesome.
Dr. Veronica: Thank you so much.
Female VO: Thank you for listening to the Wellness Revolution Podcast. If you want to hear more on how to bring wellness into your life visit drveronica.com. See you all next week. Take care.
Dr. Veronica Anderson is an MD, Functional Medicine practitioner, Homeopath. and Medical Intuitive. As a national speaker and designer of the Functional Fix and Rejuvenation Journey programs, she helps people who feel like their doctors have failed them. She advocates science-based natural, holistic, and complementary treatments to address the root cause of disease. Dr. Veronica is a highly-sought guest on national television and syndicated radio and hosts her own radio show, Wellness for the REAL World, on FOX Sports 920 AM “the Jersey” on Mondays at 7:00 pm ET.